Before I was a Mom

 

I adore this wonderful poem. I would love to give credit to the author, but I have no idea who wrote this piece. If it was you, please let me know so I can post your byline. Enjoy!

Before I was a mom…

 

Before I was a Mom

I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I slept as late as I wanted

and never worried abot how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on

Pooped on

Spit on

Chewed on

Peed on

Or pinched by tiny fingers.

 

Before I was a mom,

I had complete control (most of time) of:

My thoughts

My body

And my mind

I slept all night.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child

so that doctors could do tests

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

when I couldnt stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love somone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn’t know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn’t know that something so small

could make me feel so important.

 

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure

all was okay.

I had never known the warmth

The joy

The love

The heartache

The wonder

Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

 

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Even though the women at Bethany House didn’t choose their circumstances, they have chosen life. Once that adorable creation enters the world, their world, all things will forever be changed. Thank fully, there are places like Bethany House to help these first-time moms learn and grow. However, the truth remains … motherhood is a miracle experienced differently by every woman. Helping a woman embrace her role as a “mom,” “mommy,” and “mother,” is an experience not to be missed.

Add a comment December 30, 2007

Christmas Alone? Not for these gals!

A Christmas Story 

By Carol Van Atta 

Mary’s fingers flew across the keys of her new laptop. The precious homework aide was her favorite birthday gift from her mom and dad. She was finally sweet sixteen, a straight A student, and head of the cheerleading squad. After returning from a recent mission trip to Mexico, her aspirations were slowly changing. Cheerleading didn’t seem quite as important anymore. Helping others discover the miracle of God’s grace had taken center stage in her life, next to Joe. 

Joe was the best boyfriend any girl could ask for. He was kind, attentive, attractive, fun, and he respected her godly values.  Not to mention, he was already in a carpentry training program after completing high school a year early. They’d known one another since kindergarten. Mary rested in the knowledge that someday she would rest in Joe’s arms as his beloved wife. Glancing down, she twisted the silver band on her left ring finger. The ring’s words – True Love Waits – helped provide her with the encouragement she needed to face a world filled with so many young people having sex and not waiting for “true love.” This tiny piece of jewelry represented her commitment to remain pure until her wedding night.

“Honey, lights out.” Her mother’s voice drifted up the stairs, interrupting her thoughts. 

“Goodnight mom, dad.” She called out, shutting off her computer and slipping between her cozy, flannel sheets. Life was sweet.  She hoped her dreams would be sweet as well.

“Mary!” A musical voice trumpeted. “Awaken, child.” 

Bolting upright, Mary clutched her comforter under her chin. How long had she been asleep? Nothing could have prepared her for the massive form towering over her bed. His skin was copper and blazed like the afternoon sun. A cascading main of golden hair draped over his muscular shoulders. Dressed in a flowing white tunic, secured with a belt adorned with jewels, the winged creature smiled. 

“Do not fear God’s chosen one, for you Mary, have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive a baby, and will give birth to a boy. His name is Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David.  He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and there will be no end to His Kingdom.”

Still terrified, yet honored by his request, Mary had to ask, “How is this possible, angel? I am a virgin. I’m not even finished with high school?”

The angel replied, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore the child you bear will be called the Son of God. Also, your loving Aunt Elizabeth is also pregnant in her old age, for with God, nothing is impossible.” 

The implications of this request were beyond Mary’s understanding. However, she did know the One who had sent this angelic messenger and she could not resist His love. “I will do it, gladly.” 

Heaven applauded.

In a roaring tornado of wind and blinding light, the angel vanished. Mary was left breathless, her heart pounding like a stampede of wild horses under her night gown. How would she explain this to her parents? To Joe? To anyone? 

Sliding from her bed, her knees sunk into the soft carpet. “God help me,” she cried, “God help me.”

Three months later:

“What do you mean you’re pregnant?” Her Father’s voice reached a decibel Mary had never heard in her sixteen years living under his roof.

“Honey, calm down. Let Mary explain.” Her mother interrupted.

“Dad, please, listen. I didn’t have sex…”

“Were you raped? I’ll kill him! Was it Joe?” Her father’s voice again escalated.

“You’re not listening! I am pregnant by the Holy Spirit, Daddy. An angel came to me and told me I would have God’s Son, and to name Him Jesus.” She couldn’t believe she’d finally said the words out loud. 

“Mary! That will be enough! I’ve never heard of such a stupid thing. Until you can tell the truth, you can just get out of this house. No daughter of mine is going to be seen pregnant and tell people she got pregnant by God. People will think we’re crazy, abusers, something. When you’re ready to tell the truth, you can come home, until then, pack your bags.” Her dad turned and stormed away; slamming the door with such force their two-story house shook.

“Honey, go stay with a friend or something until your father calms down. I’ll talk to him. But you and Joe better do something. I know we’ve always been against abortion, but maybe in this case it might be the best thing.” Her mother tried to sound soothing.

“Abortion! I can’t believe you’re evens suggesting that. We love God, remember?” Mary raced up the stairs, her thoughts in a whirlwind. Where would she go? Who could she tell?

Frantically, shoving her clothing into a large backpack, she raced to get away from her mother, who was now in her room calling abortion clinics.

“Sweetie, this doctor says twelve weeks isn’t too late. There’s still time.”

“Who are you, mom?” Snatching her favorite stuffed bear, Mary bolted through the room, her mom trailed behind her still trying to convince her to at least visit a clinic for advice.

Later that evening:

“Hey girl, you don’t look like you belong down here? What’s up?” A young woman with ultra-damaged, out-of-the-box, bleached hair slunk up next to where Mary stood.

“I don’t know where I belong anymore.” Mary was too tired and discouraged to be afraid of the street girl. 

 “Let’s sit, over there, on that bus bench. Tell me about it. I’ve got all the time in the world.” The girl gently pulled her to the empty wooden seat.

“Why do you care?” Mary looked into the young woman’s face, surprised by the sympathy she found in the girl’s sunken, hazel eyes.

“Maybe I don’t. Maybe I do. I’m bored, lonely, and hungry. I listen; you buy me a burrito? Oh, my name’s Nancy.” She smiled revealing several missing teeth.

“I’m pregnant. My parents kicked me out. My boyfriend says he needs time to think about the whole deal, and my God-focused high school expelled me when I tried to talk to the counselor today, oh, and my best friend told me I was crazy. So much for love and grace, huh?” Mary handed the girl a dollar.

“I don’t know much about love and grace, but I do know about the other things you’re talking about. I got kicked out when I was thirteen. I was really into boys and did some stupid stuff. My dad talked me into an abortion. Now, I mostly do drugs, and have sex for money to survive out here. You don’t want this life.” Nancy stuffed the dollar in her pocket and looked away, ashamed.

“What can I do? No offense, Nancy, I don’t want to end up on the streets like you.” Mary hoped she hadn’t overstepped her boundaries.

“No harm. It’s the truth. You don’t what I have. Later, after I’d already made my choice, I heard about this special home. You know, a real nice house, out in Gresham. They help pregnant girls, like you. You can live there, and they don’t care how you got pregnant.  It’s called Bethany House. You get your own room, meals, counseling, support, all those things and more.” Nancy pulled a crumpled flyer out of her pocket. “See, here’s the place.  For some strange reason, I’ve been carrying this around for months. I guess now I know why.” Nancy held out the paper.

“Thanks. You know something. No matter what you’ve done, Nancy, God loves you. I’m going to tell you a secret. You probably won’t believe me either, but, oh well. My son is the Chosen One, Jesus, the Messiah. When He’s born, something amazing is going to happen. You can count on that.” Mary smiled feeling a little flutter in her stomach for the first time.

“I’m ready to believe anything. I better go. Call that number, okay.” Nancy rose and slowly walked away.  here was a new bounce to her step.

Glancing at the paper, Mary knew what she had to do. Find a safe place until the baby could be born, and hopefully, Joe would decide to marry her. She hurried to the phone booth. As she slipped the coins into the shiny slot, Mary knew that somehow everything was going to be alright. Just as the angel had said, with God all things are possible.

* * *

Alone, pregnant, and afraid – not the words most of us consider while reflecting on our Savior’s mother and the feelings she must have felt during the first weeks and possibly months of her pregnancy. We picture a loving Joseph, a cozy stable, and a Mary filled with joy. Certainly, there was joy, but I suspect Mary, who wasn’t more than fourteen or fifteen, was actually terrified. After all, it wasn’t everyday a girl got pregnant by God Himself. Most of the Jewish population expected the mother of their Messiah to be royalty, not a common young girl engaged to a carpenter. 

What did her parents think? What about her friends, or their neighbors? Before the angel appeared to Joseph, did he calmly accept his wife-to-be’s circumstances. Had Joseph denied Mary his name, where would have she gone?

Thankfully, Mary didn’t have to answer that final question, but there are so many single, pregnant women in our world who do.  Yes, yes, many of them have made poor choices which led to an “unplanned” pregnancy. I refuse to say unwanted, because God wants all of His children. No one is created without God’s hands in the design, married, or not. Certainly committing to purity and having sex only within the bounds of marriage is God’s ideal, however, the staggering statistics easily demonstrate that God’s best is not always the norm in our world today. 

This story gives a modern twist to the timeless Christmas Story we’ve come to know and love. If you’re familiar with the Bible, you are likely aware that Mary went for support to her Aunt Elizabeth’s house. Sadly, for our modern-day Mary, and other single, pregnant women just like her, there is no one to turn to for support. That’s where homes like Bethany House come in. They are able to provide the love, education, accountability, and support these women so desperately need.

This Christmas Season, the girls currently residing at Bethany House, and many of the young women who have completed the program, were adopted by individuals and groups in the community. These caring people made it a top priority to bring Christmas joy into the hearts and homes of these women and their young children. Just seeing the amazement (actually, the shock) on the faces of these young moms is priceless.

Instead, of spending the Holiday Season alone on the streets, like Nancy from the above story, they have a home, a hope, and a future. Because of Bethany House and the people who support its mission, they are blessed beyond their wildest expectations.

I challenge you, to find a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet. It wont’ be difficult. Contact a local church or service agency in your community to find a family you can help. Make their New Year brighter by meeting their needs and blessing their family. I promise, the feeling you gain from giving, is far superior to receiving. May you all have a blessed Holiday Season!

Merry Christmas, Friends!

OH…THE ABOVE PHOTO WITH THE BABY IS OF KRISTY … NOT ME.  Kristy and her baby have become the featured Christmas family. For those of you curious about who I (the writer) is, well, I’m the gal by the Christmas tree, which just happens to be in the living room at Bethany House.

1 comment December 24, 2007

Prayer for a Single Mother

As I traveled through the cyber world this evening, I discovered a prayer site for moms. I really liked this prayer specifically written for single moms. The girls at Bethany House and other maternity programs need our prayer support. So, please, join me in praying for single moms everywhere, right now. Don’t ever think prayer doesn’t make a difference, because it does … always.

Prayer for a Single Mother

Dear God, she seems to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, but to carry it more lightly than I think I would. I see her balancing work and home, money and no money, friends who no longer make time to see her, and I send up a prayer for her.

Her old friends have moved on with their lives, and in truth, she doesn’t have much in common with them anymore. She is lonely, loving God. She would like company but doesn’t want to make time for new relationships because her waking hours are already full: she is a mother. She walks when gas is too expensive for the car and forgoes new clothes so her child can have shoes.

This is not how her life started out, but circumstances changed from her life of privilege to this life she embraces so fully. Her life is difficult and she seems so tired much of the time, but I am inspired by the love she has for her child.

Give her the strength to put in long hours each day; the courage to face those who dismiss her with blaming and knowing nods; the ability to maintain her loving life at home; and the deepest knowledge in her heart that you love her.

Please send a comment if you are committed to pray for single mothers with us.  I’ve posted the link for more unique “motherhood” prayers below:

http://www.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Mothers/#Single

1 comment December 17, 2007

Change my clothes?

Friday, something interesting happened for one Bethany House resident. First, let me say that this program is so much more than simply resting up to have a baby. Oh, no! It’s so not that simple. Actually, the young women who enter this program are informed right from the “get go” that this is a program of MAJOR life change. In fact, I’ve heard Beth (Program Founder and Director) say, “We will get in your business.”  

Okay, I know that sounds a bit harsh, and intruding, but consider this: You are a young woman who has been living on the streets, or hopping from couch to couch, home to home. You’ve had no guidelines and have quite frankly run your life into the muck via your own poor choices. Now, granted, you’ve faced numerous past hardships and many personal pains, some incredibly traumatic.

But, the bottom line remains, we all have a choice what to do with our past and how it affects our future. We can continue a cycle of insanity, or we can reach out for help and learn to live differently. 

I’m very familiar with this process, as I, too, was once a wayward woman, who did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, with no real concern for the future. Yes, indeed, I’d experienced horrendous wrongs in my youth, and although that gives some insight into why I was behaving so rebelliously, it’s still no excuse to continue making a bigger mess, which I did for far too many years. 

Anyway, back to the point of this entry. When we are living a certain way, we are often hung up on dressing a certain way — we wear a mask, or masks, to hide our wounded hearts. One thing that happens, as our hearts change, is that our appearance often changes, too.  Kristy, the mother of that adorable baby girl featured on our first entry, featured above, determined that she no longer wanted to reflect an image of fast living. Believe me, when Kristy first arrived at Bethany House, changing her “dress code” was not a priority for her. But, over time, with encouragement and new role modeling, she has come to view womanhood a bit differently. Low cut tops and skimpy skirts are not a true reflection of the young lady and mother she is becoming.  

She has decided that she wants to set a different example for her little girl. After all, our children look to us for what is ideal. Kristy has come to understand that true beauty truly is a matter of the heart. It’s not based on the right make up, risqué attire, or a certain hairstyle. Rather it’s the beauty of God dwelling in a healing heart that shines brightly with His love.  Go Kristy! Keep that light shining. You are beautiful inside and out! 

Dear Readers:

Food for thought ….

Please comment on how you feel about this touchy subject. How do you feel about inner beauty vs. outward facades? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Add a comment December 16, 2007

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you discovered that you were pregnant? Now, imagine that you are homeless, alone, frightened, and fleeing an abusive relationship. Oh … let’s not forget that you’ve just recently stopped using Methamphetamine (Meth) and you’re craving it with every breath you take. Wait! You’re only nineteen and didn’t complete high school, either.

You believe abortion is wrong, but your mom, who has just remarried a man you can’t stand, insists that it (abortion) is the ONLY answer. She will not take you into her home unless you agree to terminate the pregnancy. Now where do you go? What do you do? Who will help?

Bethany House

A home for single, pregnant, young women has been responding to questions just like these for over 17 years. This blog is dedicated to telling the behind the scenes stories of young women just like the woman in the above scenario. You will learn about pregnancy, addictions, fear, and anger. More importantly, though, you will discover hope, love, grace, and what happens when hurting young women receive a chance to embrace a whole new life.

We hope you enjoy the journey.

Add a comment December 15, 2007